Since moving to the new church building, there was this strange feelings each time I go to church; that I am going to a totally new church and a new beginning.

I am thanking God each day for the wonderful place that we are having right now and each day I am reminding myself that this is only the beginning of the excitement that we could experience with God. I kept on reminding myself of the purpose of having a building there and am alert of the responsibilities thereof.

To start with, the canteen has been a blessing. The brothers from the drug rehab center found a new way to serve God and maybe to be trained to run a canteen/café in the future. They are pretty excited with the work and they did a wonderful job, learning to bear responsibilities (something that they don’t really understand but are learning in the drug rehab center, otherwise, they will not abuse themselves with drugs).

Secondly, the church members found a place whereby not only they could serve but also a place where they could fellowship and to organize activities that are meaningful to bring their friends to church. We could make use of the facilities that we have to plan evangelistic channels whereby our friends and relatives could come and hear the gospel in a “non-threatening” environment.

Lastly, I found it personally a place whereby I could call “HOME”, a place where I belong to. As I have mentioned earlier, it is a new beginning and a new church to me. I am looking forward to the many blessings in this church and am excited with God’s way of working among us. Though we still have a lot of obstacles and new challenges ahead of us; probably a whole new set of challenges that could throw me out of my chair but still, I am thankful for the opportunity to be “HOME” and a New beginning with YOU, my dearest family of God!

What is the most important thing in your life?

Joshua 24:15
“But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living.

But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.”

Making choices seem to be an unavoidable matter in life. There are choices we made which we will enjoy the results but there are also choices we made which will leave us feeling frustrated. Sometimes we can be so taken by the results that we forget the process of making those choices.

Being a pastor for many years, I have made numerous choices/decisions in life of which some I was pretty proud of but also there are many which I am rather disappointed with. Some was such blunder that I would wash my face with tears each day and yet some were so good that would leave a smile when I sleep.

Still, does it mean that after making all those mistakes, I will stop making decisions? Does it mean I will be so careful that I will have to consider every possibility before I make that final decision? Some who came to me for advice often ask this question, “What is the right choice in making this decision?” My answer often would be, “Enjoy the process and leave the rest to God.”

Saying this does not mean to be irresponsible but rather recognizing God in the process of making important decisions. We acknowledged God in every plan that we embarked on and we recognized His participation in every move that we made. When the end results are not what we have participated, while we know that we have done our best, that counts.

Some plans fail but it has left a greater impact in my life that those successes. If I am truthful in making honest evaluation on those choices, I will learn many good lessons that I will never forget for the rest of my life. In fact it will leave an indelible impression in my life and so to mould me to be a better person.

No matter what choices that we made, remember to include God in it, just like Joshua, in that important moment of his life, he declared to the Israelites, “As for me and my household, WE WILL SERVE THE LORD”… NO REGRETS!!!

Therefore, each choices that we made, enjoyed the process, commit to God and let the result take care of itself. Learn from each of those processes… you will surely be wiser in your next choice J

What will I do in the year 2011

It has been awhile since I have written anything on the blog. I have been very busy last year with travelling to different places in the world. Mission? More like mission exposures – exposing myself to different cultures and seeing what God is doing through the lives of the many who have given up life conveniences for the sake of the gospel. My observation: I truly salute those who have taken those steps to vow to do something different and dare to launch it.

After a year of ‘seeing’, I am rather ashamed of myself. I have been in the ministries for more than 20 yrs now but all that I could do is still taking “mission exposures” to educate myself in this field. I also rendered myself helpless in the face of the many needs that I’d seen and felt along the way.

I thought I have done a lot already; served Him faithfully (and secretly took pride in some of the ‘successes’ in the ministries); preached fervently and taught powerfully (at least that’s what I thought I was). Yet none could match all those missionaries who have given their lives to a culture totally different from their own and trying to immerse into some work which could be beyond themselves. The huge task of accomplishing what started as a “vision” took a long way to finish and it seems not much has taken place… as yet.

Frustration is the word and I marveled at the stressed level that they undertook yet remained firm and focused. Compare to all these “humbled servant of the most-high God”, I have nothing to boast, seriously.

Recalling all these trips that I have made, one word kept creeping into my thoughts – ‘AWESOME’! I serve an AWESOME GOD; and I witnessed some AWESOME GODLY SERVANTS OF GOD; I saw some AWESOME WORK/MINISTRIES.

So last year was a great year for me. I am grateful for His provision, for His love, for His protection and for opportunities opened for me. The year also ended with a great harvest in China which further boosted our morale to welcome another fruitful and wonderful year ahead. If there’s a report card to submit, I think I am pretty impressive.

The year 2011 finally came! With lots of expectation, I welcomed the year. I was ready to take on the world again as I “used to”. BUT it was not so.

The year began with quite a bit of sad news – with a number of deaths and sicknesses to start with. More disappointment came when relationships began to fall apart one by one before my eyes. It ripped me totally to see my dear members suffer from broken relationships because of carelessness.

“Careless” because as Christians we are careless with our words, with our actions and even intentions. Motifs unchecked or misread further complicate the matters. As a result, for the first round this year, the enemy has taken control of some and won. That’s how I felt right now!

The news that came to me for the past couple of weeks is not only horrific and it is beyond that I could handle. Like tonight, I couldn’t sleep and I tossed round on the bed, my thoughts swirled around all those who are involved and affected. My heart aches and I couldn’t contain my tears anymore. I cried to my God, “O Lord, be merciful and give me grace and wisdom to handle each of these delicate lives whom you have entrusted to me.” I am totally helpless!

My soul refused to be consoled because I felt the hurts for my people; some are so dear to me and have been with me for years. I saw the resentment in their eyes and words hurled to protect themselves from getting more hurt. I prayed to my God that they will find comfort and that they will receive console from the Holy Spirit.

Even now, my heart aches and I couldn’t do anything about it. All that I could do is to stay still in His presence and allow the Holy Spirit to soothe the wounded soul within me. An old old song came to my mind:

There is no problem too big, God cannot solve it

There is no mountain too tall, He cannot move it

There is no storm too dark, God cannot calm it

There is no sorrow too deep, He cannot soothe it

If He carries the weight of the world upon His shoulder

I know my brother that He will carry You

If He carries the weight of the world upon His shoulder

I know my sister that He will carry You

I now am convinced that nothing is too big for my God of whom I have put my trust. I shall let my burden go and I shall let God be in control.

"God, give me grace to go through today coz there are those hurts that're deep; hurts and griefs that I could not handle alone. Hurts that I do not want to let go. I wanted so much to just let things go but I was unable to do so. But today, may I learn to trust YOU and to lean on YOUR promises that YOU will never leave me nor forsake me. Help me to be bold to step out and to let YOU hold my hands. Father, lead me to YOUR peace, I cry; lead me to YOUR peace, O Father!"

Being WEAK or being MEEK!

A couple of days ago, my son and I had a chat. We were talking about behaving in the ministries. I encouraged him to be serious and be alert all the time when you are in the ministries because there will be obstacles whereby we need to learn to depend on God for wisdom and protection.

Somehow we got to bring out some past painful experiences that I had and he said, “Mum, I wish that I am older when you were facing those trials. Then maybe I could shield you from being hurt.” “Son, we need to go through all these so called hurts in order to grow and to learn to lean on God.”

“But mum, I saw you being silent when accused; didn’t explain yourself when words were hurled at you. In a nice way, you are being gentle but on the other hand you were seen as being weak in your leadership.”

I was quiet for a moment, recalling what my son had just told me. “Is that what others think when I kept quiet, WEAK?” I thought aloud. Then I calmed down and I told him this gently, “Son, there is a marginal difference between the WEAK and the MEEK. The weak are those who dare not face the situation and choose to run away. They chose to say hurtful comments behind the person and acted out negatively to bring discord and further pain by discrediting the other person and the church behind their back.”

“But the MEEK are those who know that to retaliate is to showcase your weakness whereas to keep compose in times of trials is a showcase of strength. To have a clear mind and to be gentle at the face of calamities are inner strength when one learnt to depend on the Holy Spirit.”

The world is looking on the outward reaction to determine the person’s strength and weakness. We seldom look deep into the person; whether the person reacts quietly and preferably in prayer instead of backbiting or continuously using negative words against the other person.

I once saw a picture in a very old magazine called the “last days ministries”; a picture depicting who Jesus was. In that picture a lamb was climbing a very dangerous and steep cliff up the mountain. It was evening and the shadow casted on the wall of the mountain surprisingly was a LION. It says, “The lamb who is the Lion of Judah.” I think this is the perfect picture of meekness. We are the lamb, gentle and maybe sometimes an easy target to be bullied or hurt but the inner person exhibits such strength that put him/her in a position of love and forgiveness.

Tell me, is it easier to react or refrain to react. To react and to give back the same way the person is treating you don’t need skill or strength but to refrain from taking revenge and not only do not speak against the other person INSTEAD prayerfully bringing that person before God, really needs lots and lots of energy.

I have to admit that through all these experiences that I had, I have become more patient. I thank God each day for keeping me strong. I thank God for allowing negative happenings in my life for without which I will never learn total dependence. Most of all, the Lord has helped me to see that it is never a person’s desire, especially when they are Christians and professing their love to God, to hurt another soul; it is all misunderstanding and miscommunication because we are DIFFERENT from one another. The sooner we recognize this, the less we will accuse one another.

We are different; the way we work; the way we talk; the way we react; the way we plan; the way we see the ministries. So do not take it to heart when someone is different from us. Just learn to accept and to allow that person to express himself/herself through time. Give your support silently even if you disagree. You never know; you could be wrong THIS TIME.

So son, I am not being weak but trying to walk meekly before God…just like our Lord Jesus! J

Choices - "Fair or Unfair"

My beautiful pet dog, a Rottweiler whom we fondly named as “Princess Zsa Zsa” came to live with us when she was only four months old. She was my son’s pet before he went to the college. Now of course the job of raising this dog came on my shoulder when he left. I grew to love her more each day and we have established a bond that only we could understand.

As time goes, she became bigger and stronger and before I knew it, her strength overpowered me. I saw lots of bruises on my arms and legs and once while playing with her, she got excited and pounced on my face and actually barely missed my left eye. I felt an excruciating pain and I quickly took an ice bag to relieve the swell. It was an accident but I began to realize that she’s getting really big and strong. I couldn’t handle her if I would take her out for walks because she would drag me.

I knew that she needed to go to obedient school but because of my heavy schedule I kept on postponing it and now she’s almost a year old. My schedule for the year is still very full and I was wondering what should I do. At this time, our church drug rehabilitation center lost their dog and they were asking if they could have Zsa Zsa (knowing that she is getting too big for me).

After weeks of consideration I decided to give it a try. (that is after lots of considerations and lots of thinking). I took her to the center and spent a day there. The moment we arrived, she dashed out into the open field and ran with all her might. Her half brother, “Tiger” who was only three months old was also there to play with her. I saw immediate bond between them and she has never been so happy.

After that day, my heart was more willing to let her go and I did. But I was undermining the attachment I have with her. For the next three days, I was crying each time I saw her pictures and thinking how she has been in the new place. I called to ask about her and they always give me positive answers but I was not convinced.

Finally after the weekend, Ian, my son came back for holiday and we decided to bring her home for a visit. I was elated and was all smile that finally I could see her again. And I kept on repeating to myself that she should miss me and I knew that I did.

When she was finally home, I saw in her eyes that bond that we used to have. She walked slowly to me and immediately fell into my embrace and we hugged and kissed. For the first time she actually walked to me and sat on my lap quietly, allowing me to stroke her gently and to speak to her like I always use to. Tears welled up my eyes and I knew that this bond can never be broken.

I spent the whole night talking and playing with her. She was much gentler now and quieter. For whatever reason, I knew that this is not herself. She was happy to be with me yet she should be happier there with so many people around her and so much space for her to move. (whereas my house has very limited space for her to even run).

I knew I have to make the final decision. As much as I loved her and missed her, she doesn’t belong here. She needs space and the people who have time to take care of her and to be her companion.

Given a choice, I would like to keep her and would take her to the obedient school; but seeing that she’s happier there, am I making the right decision? If I am a pet lover, will I confine her movement just to keep her close to me? There are times when I am busy with a heavy schedule, she will have to be alone till I finished my work at night, then only she got to see me and to play with me. Of course she brought much comfort and joy to me but am I doing the same to her?

Finally, I decided that she’s better off with the people in the drug rehab center who could give her the full attention that she needed. I may miss her greatly but I know that I cannot be selfish.

In our lives, we have lots of decisions to make: decisions that may affect us greatly and may even cause anger and dissatisfactions. We think that it is only fair that we feel happy and comfortable with whatever decision therein as long as we are happy but today I saw decision making with a different view. I battle with the thought of being “selfish” just to keep her close to me, knowing that she’s better off with the other party. But now I am thinking is she happy with me or with them?

The answer is obvious and I am willing to LET GO because I love her too much to make her unhappy. Sometimes we need to learn this lesson of “LETTING GO” because of love. We let our children go in order to allow them to grow (though we would think that it is better off if we continue to make decisions for them); we let go of our painful past in order to move on (to allow the other party to live on as well). Do not wrestle with the thought “fair” or “unfair” because this will only deepen some hurts and bring us into deeper depression.

Walk out and let go! When I did that, I realized that my heart is at peace and I knew that though I will miss her, she’s never far from my heart.

Kathmandu, Nepal

After eighteen hours of travelling, crossing three borders and four airports, we finally arrived at Kathmandu. It was a small airport but what welcomed us was the news that one of our luggage decided to ‘delay’ its arrival till the last flight, leaving us anxious about where it was. The airport officers assured us that the ‘naughty luggage’ would definitely arrive and we would be able to see it tomorrow.

So with a very tired body and a heavy heart we left the airport and met Jason, a friend of a friend who was so kind to take us for a meal and thereafter to our guest house, rightly names as “Mercy Guest house” cause that’s exactly what we needed at that moment.

After a good rest, we met the rest of the team from Singapore and of course our very naughty luggage and headed towards Kavre where we will be staying for a week.

As we travelled away from the dusty city, the four-wheeler took us up to the mountainous area and our breathing actually became smoother. It was an awesome picture all the way. Finally we arrived; that’s what I thought we did. But that was only an arrival at the feet of the hill that we were going to climb. When I saw the roads leading up, my jaw dropped and I gasped “What?!” (refer to some of the pics)

I finally gather myself together and managed to coax my nerves to strengthen up and I started the courageous climb. The first hurdle was manageable but as I climbed, the steeper it has become and the harder I breathed and the climb became a crawl. Before long my two faithful companions, each holding a side of my arms just like what Aaron and Hur did to Moses at the battle field came to the rescue. But the difference here was, Aaron and Hur were standing beside Moses, supporting his arms whereas I was literary hurled up the roads with my friends pulling my arms. Such a shameful state I have to admit. One of the local brothers even offered to carry me on his back and I shyly declined even though for a moment I was tempted to so doing thinking that it was not a bad idea at all. J

What welcomed us after that dreadful climb was worth all my ‘effort’. Serenity and majestic mountains filled my eyes. I marveled at God’s creation and I breathed in a deep sense of tranquility, “God, indeed great is your faithfulness for they are new every morning.”

The next few days were teachings, preaching, working in the field, helping to build a green house for the ‘food for every family’ project and of course helping out in the kitchen. We had dhal bhat (it is rice and vegetable and a dhal curry) everyday, for almost all the meals except a bit of variety along the way. Thanks to our sisters who insisted in helping out in the kitchen and suggesting some new things that we would like to try (just to break the routine). But I have to admit that I got to love those dhal bhat because I realized that I got lighter and healthier with less meat and lots of exercise.

The Nepalese are very gentle people. Their culture are quite similar with the Indians with a mixture of Chinese (you don’t believe this; this is because they are next to Tibet). Their hearts are open but bound by tradition and religious piety.

But for the few who have accepted the Lord, they are fearless in presenting the gospel in the face of persecution and a hard ground to plough. Yet they relentlessly and diligently ministering out of love for their own people. In comparison with what we have here in the so-called civility, our church has fallen into contemplation which any changes may mean crucifixion on the cross.

If there is one thing I have learnt, it is their fervent prayer and total dependence on our Lord Jesus Christ. They have nothing much, yet much is given. When they do not have, they lean on the Provider; when they suffer, they draw from Comforter; when they are in lack, they call on the Great Shepherd. What a faith they have; a practical faith in their lives. May God continue to bless our brethren in Nepal and raise up many more churches to bring the good news to those in need. Amen!

Pre-conceived Idea - An irreversible Judgment

Pre-conceived Idea - An irreversible Judgment

A very young mother-to-be, into the second month pregnancy was experiencing a very bad morning sickness and she needs to be in bed almost 24 hours a day. I visited her and showed my concern over her extreme condition. She declared that she already expected it this way because her mother had earlier shared with her of the difficulties during her pregnancy. Looks like she already expected to be in this condition even before she’s conceived and she did went through everything that she has expected it to be till the delivery.

Another young mother-to-be also into her early pregnancy but she was ok. Her mum has passed away and she has no knowledge of what pregnancy is all about except through reading books and also some chatting that she has with me. I told her this, “Enjoy your pregnancy because this is a gift from God.” She actually did!

Now I am not undermining some cases whereby pregnancy is difficult but to expect it even before it ever happens is an irreversible judgment pronounced upon oneself. The first lady actually expected the same for the next few pregnancies and thus developed pre and post-natal depression.

Let’s have another scenario. A young man who has pierced nose and wearing a one-sided earring, head shaved and worked in a movie house part time, came to church to worship God. Be honest, what would you do if he is seated next to your beautiful teenage daughter? After church what would you do to greet him? What question would you anticipate in asking him? OR if in come a very well-dressed promising looking young man giving full concentration to the worship service and speak eloquently with confidence, what comes to your mind? Preconceived Idea!

We are ‘educated’ by people around us as to what is and what is not without experiencing it ourselves. We don’t even give it the benefit of doubt that it may not be what we see. What we see may not justify who the person is.

I am pretty upset when a person would come to me and give a judgment about the others or him/herself even before a decent conversation or working alongside the person nor giving that person a chance to prove him/herself. I have a young Christian girl in church whom most would have consider her a free spirit and possessed an untamable behavior. Many have already passed the judgment that she will make a mess in her life. But she proved to be the most sensible girl even though in her youngish ways may have made some mistakes but these are all part of learning and growing up experiences. I trusted her fully that she will carry herself sensibly before the people and most of all responsible to God.

The young man that I mentioned earlier who shaved his head and wearing nose and one-sided earring is actually a youth pastor in London whom I knew who is very passionate about young people’s ministries. He loves them with all his heart and together with his wife has established a very sound doctrine to guide young people back to God. The young people in return loved him dearly. I saw the bond between the pastor and youths and it touched my heart that he actually stooped down to their level in order to win them.

We meet a lot of people along our life path. Some we really appreciate and some we don’t. Some were already in the cold storage even before they are given a chance to cross our paths and yet for some we just knew that they will be our friends.

Sadly, those whom we trusted may turn out sour and those whom we least expected became our greatest port where we could rest our worries upon. As the old saying goes, “Don’t judge the book by its cover.”

Paul was initially the most influential persecutor before he turned the most influential executor of the gospel. Who are we to judge whether the person is qualified to serve or not to serve; to lead or not to lead; to love or not to love. If Jesus died for ALL HUMANKIND, then salvation is for ALL and we need to LOVE ALL. Smile when you read this J coz there will be someone we wish we will never have to meet again. I believe if God allows the person to cross our paths, it is for us to learn and to embrace while we have that opportunity.

So do not be too quick to pass an irreversible judgment with a preconceived idea. Allow that person to prove himself in some ways and allow God to work through that life. You’ll never know, we may have another Paul in the making and one day he/she may rock the world with the gospel. Therefore, spend some time with those whom we thought should enter the ‘cold storage’ and give one another a chance to love, to share and to encourage. J