Friday, May 16, 2008

I Cried Last Night...

I cried last night... I was upset with one of my siblings who has misunderstood some of my doings and I cried out of sadness in my heart. Immediately I justified my action and inwardly accusing her for her non-participation in the family plus the distance didn't help at all. So I fell into the being "persecuted syndrome" and cried.

After quite awhile and finally settled these roller-coaster rides of emotions, I switched on the TV and saw the gruelling clips of the Si Chuan's earthquake. I was moved by what I saw; the lost of lives, the homeless and the possible epidemic outbreak. Again I cried last night. Only this time, moved by the natural disaster, indirectly caused by human errors by not loving our earth.

That night, before I went to bed, I took some time to think through these two "moving" events that cost my tears to flow; one out of anger and the other out of compassion. I was all of the anger and compassion at the same, within an hour. How foolish I have been, I thought?

There are tens of thousands who lost their loved ones, another tens of thousands more are made homeless in China and Myanmar and here am I, troubled with some foolish siblings rivalry which results in hurts and contemplation.

I began to rethink of my values in life. Ministries in church could blind me from seeing real needs in people's life; mainly because we are so concerned about the results that we forget about the process to these important life matters. I cried again last night.

This time, it is a cry of repentance before God and asking for His mercy and grace that I will not take things for granted; rather I will learn to cherish all that the Lord has given me or allowed me to experience in this life.

No one became siblings coincidently, and no one misunderstood one another without a reason. Just like the Chinese saying goes: When there's waves, its because of the wind. So nothing happens out of nothing, except the Creation of God in Genesis 1.

So I resolved in my heart that I will learn, not to major in things that are minor and "casting my cares upon Him" means trusting Him to handle my life in His own way.

My prayer goes to those people in Si Chuan and Myanmar and also to that sibling of mine who has wrongly understood me in her own interpretation. I love You for you are my family!

1 comment:

musicfreek said...

it's nice knowing you have a blog to share your thoughts with people. i know that even though you're a pastor,you're just like everybody else with normal stress,pressure,problems etc that you'll have to deal with everyday. but,sometimes(or most of the time) i overlooked that. can't help it la,you make things look easy.x) keep blogging..cuz i'll read and get inspired. (: