What will I do in the year 2011

It has been awhile since I have written anything on the blog. I have been very busy last year with travelling to different places in the world. Mission? More like mission exposures – exposing myself to different cultures and seeing what God is doing through the lives of the many who have given up life conveniences for the sake of the gospel. My observation: I truly salute those who have taken those steps to vow to do something different and dare to launch it.

After a year of ‘seeing’, I am rather ashamed of myself. I have been in the ministries for more than 20 yrs now but all that I could do is still taking “mission exposures” to educate myself in this field. I also rendered myself helpless in the face of the many needs that I’d seen and felt along the way.

I thought I have done a lot already; served Him faithfully (and secretly took pride in some of the ‘successes’ in the ministries); preached fervently and taught powerfully (at least that’s what I thought I was). Yet none could match all those missionaries who have given their lives to a culture totally different from their own and trying to immerse into some work which could be beyond themselves. The huge task of accomplishing what started as a “vision” took a long way to finish and it seems not much has taken place… as yet.

Frustration is the word and I marveled at the stressed level that they undertook yet remained firm and focused. Compare to all these “humbled servant of the most-high God”, I have nothing to boast, seriously.

Recalling all these trips that I have made, one word kept creeping into my thoughts – ‘AWESOME’! I serve an AWESOME GOD; and I witnessed some AWESOME GODLY SERVANTS OF GOD; I saw some AWESOME WORK/MINISTRIES.

So last year was a great year for me. I am grateful for His provision, for His love, for His protection and for opportunities opened for me. The year also ended with a great harvest in China which further boosted our morale to welcome another fruitful and wonderful year ahead. If there’s a report card to submit, I think I am pretty impressive.

The year 2011 finally came! With lots of expectation, I welcomed the year. I was ready to take on the world again as I “used to”. BUT it was not so.

The year began with quite a bit of sad news – with a number of deaths and sicknesses to start with. More disappointment came when relationships began to fall apart one by one before my eyes. It ripped me totally to see my dear members suffer from broken relationships because of carelessness.

“Careless” because as Christians we are careless with our words, with our actions and even intentions. Motifs unchecked or misread further complicate the matters. As a result, for the first round this year, the enemy has taken control of some and won. That’s how I felt right now!

The news that came to me for the past couple of weeks is not only horrific and it is beyond that I could handle. Like tonight, I couldn’t sleep and I tossed round on the bed, my thoughts swirled around all those who are involved and affected. My heart aches and I couldn’t contain my tears anymore. I cried to my God, “O Lord, be merciful and give me grace and wisdom to handle each of these delicate lives whom you have entrusted to me.” I am totally helpless!

My soul refused to be consoled because I felt the hurts for my people; some are so dear to me and have been with me for years. I saw the resentment in their eyes and words hurled to protect themselves from getting more hurt. I prayed to my God that they will find comfort and that they will receive console from the Holy Spirit.

Even now, my heart aches and I couldn’t do anything about it. All that I could do is to stay still in His presence and allow the Holy Spirit to soothe the wounded soul within me. An old old song came to my mind:

There is no problem too big, God cannot solve it

There is no mountain too tall, He cannot move it

There is no storm too dark, God cannot calm it

There is no sorrow too deep, He cannot soothe it

If He carries the weight of the world upon His shoulder

I know my brother that He will carry You

If He carries the weight of the world upon His shoulder

I know my sister that He will carry You

I now am convinced that nothing is too big for my God of whom I have put my trust. I shall let my burden go and I shall let God be in control.

"God, give me grace to go through today coz there are those hurts that're deep; hurts and griefs that I could not handle alone. Hurts that I do not want to let go. I wanted so much to just let things go but I was unable to do so. But today, may I learn to trust YOU and to lean on YOUR promises that YOU will never leave me nor forsake me. Help me to be bold to step out and to let YOU hold my hands. Father, lead me to YOUR peace, I cry; lead me to YOUR peace, O Father!"