Monday, February 16, 2009

What kind of pastor are you looking for?

I was in the fellowship of pastors and we got to share some views on church and the current trend that we found that is not benefitting the church.

The scenario is:
The members or the leaders (mostly educated and highly qualified in the secular world) somehow began to complain about their pastoral staff/s. Somehow, they manage to find faults and dissatisfaction with the pastor or the pastor’s wife (termed as the most misunderstood personnel in the entire church).

Many pastors are discouraged and wondered if there are any more values in serving God. Their only desire is to serve God and the people whom God has placed under their care. But no matter how much they tried and how hard they worked, they don’t seem to satisfy these people.

Now, let me ask you this question (a question that I am sincerely looking for an answer): What kind of pastor are you looking for? What qualities that you think should make up of the 21st century image of a pastor? I think it would be most helpful if you would participate in this and write your comment and pass it on to your friends who may have a comment in this. Because pastors who come across this blog may benefit from it.

But with one condition, please be constructive. If you have any grievances against your pastors, then you are not being objective. Don’t tell us your church’s name. Just tell us about your opinion. I believe we as pastors may benefit and learn much from you.

And if you do come across a good pastor (in your opinion), share with us too. With such positive remarks, let us cut off Satan’s scheme to destroy the church through negative feelings and actions against the pastors in the churches. You love God, right? You want to see God’s church growing and experiencing revival, right? We want to preach the gospel to the end of the earth, right? This could only possible when the pastors and the members are working together as ONE (UNITY). Satan knew this and he is all out to destroy this mutual trust between us. He is destroying trust between good people in the church and caused so much hurts and pains that were uncalled for. So if you care for us, as much as we care for you, please tell us.


annonymous said...

It's true that there can be no perfect pastor. Honestly, I myself have been through hell with spiritual leaders and am still struggling to forgive. I've learned to not expect anything, and so every good thing that comes along is a blessing. Nevertheless, I do believe that pastors hold a high accountability. People look up to them a lot, sometimes more than their own parents.

While I am not expecting perfection, I do expect certain level of maturity. I believe that the true condition of a person's heart can only be tested through fire -- when there is conflict. When a leader faces conflict within himself (e.g a sin), how does he handle it? Or when he has disagreements with his sheep, does he try everything in his power to find out what REALLY is going on and listen to other people...instead of sweeping things under the carpet and say 'forget the past'?

Many leaders are insecure. They are most probably hurt too. They seek their own glory; it's no longer about what God wants to do -- it's about numbers and how to make themselves known. All these, are often so well-hidden and sugar-coated with spirituality and manifestations.

Leaders hold huge responsibilities, and it's not easy. When someone is hurt by the leaders that they (used to) respect, they may just die spiritually or will take a long, long time to heal. Betrayal by spiritual fathers is different from betrayal by brothers. Many people never got to trust again because of that.

Pastors make mistakes -- but the biggest mistake is not having thr gutts to own up and ask for forgiveness, but putting the blame on others or even the person whom they have hurt. Perhaps, these pastors are the ones who think that leaders are not supposed to make mistakes?

I salute you for trying to listen from others. God bless.

Lynda Choi-Pastor's Wife said...

Dear annonymous:

Thnx for your long comment and I thank you for being honest because as a pastor, we sometimes didnt get to hear "honest" comment because either they are covering up in front of us (but talk behind) or often give negative views that results in mere complains that's without constructive suggestions.

I guess those hurts will take a long long time to heal and let me pray for you:
Father, I pray for this dear soul who wrote the comment and you see the hurts therein. as a pastor, i apologized for some of us shepherds who are insensitive to the issues of our members. sometimes we overlooked the problems and write it off as not important but we know that it is not so.

they are precious to you and most importantly they have been ENTRUSTED to us and yet we may have betray that trust. May we as shepherds learn to see from their point of view and to be sympathetic enough not to jump into conclusion; rather may we learn to stay humble before you and before men.

Finally, I pray for healing to take place in both our hearts. I was truly hurt by members who maliciously accused me and this dear soul was hurt by the pastor who has not stop to listen.

May we continue to uphold your teachings in our lives in so that though we are hurt and in pain, we also know that through it all, now we become more sympathetic to those around us. May we have the grace to say like our Lord Jesus, "Father forgive them."

不肖生 Sceptics said...

What to expect from pastors? haha, I expect a lot...! good sermon, good administrative, organisational skill, good leadership, caring .... long lists...haha!

but I also know that, above expectation is not realistic and somewhat idealistic, so if pastors do not deliver that, I always there to support and be understanding...maybe wait till I become pastor, then I strive to achieve some of that...ha!

so finally, my expectation toward pastor actually,, not much lah..

conclusion is :

I think , confrontation or friction between pastor and members, most of the time are due to EQ problem, that is, poor human relation skill of pastor and members too...

I actually, poor in this respect.. ha . May God bless me.

Lynda Choi-Pastor's Wife said...

Dear Sceptics (ANKL):

Yes...I agree with you. How I wish that I could be all that you have just said...then maybe I'll be the Super Duper Pastor but in reality we are trying and sadly maybe we have not tried hard enough.

Ya, I'm also learning to have better EQ, I think I'm much better now than I used to be haha.. at least that's what some members said. they said that I hardly smile and look so stern all the time. then one day I looked at some pictures taken and realised how pretty and gentle I can be when I smile...haha. So I resolved to smile more and now... Yes I have bettr EQ but some think that I'm too soft... (sigh) just can't please every one, I guess... just be myself and what God has created me to be :-)

All in all, I am praying for God's mercy and grace in our ministries and I know that you will make a good pastor one day... cherio

annonymous said...


I've learned to really lower my expectations on leaders...sometimes we get really unrealistic too. I don't mind pastors making any kind of mistakes, as long as they are humble enough to own up and make restitution. They need to know that they are human too, for so often we blame others for not understanding our human-ess when in fact, we are the ones who do not accept it. Therefore, people become very critical of each other.

Yes it became very very difficult to trust leaders again. We don't want to go through the same hurt anymore. For me, it took a lot of effort for my new leaders to let me know that they really do care and it's not sugar-coated. When there is betrayal, there will be no reconciliation unless the other party makes peace.

I'm sorry for what you've gone through as a pastor. Let this be a lesson for us...that we will not treat others the same way that we have been treated.

Lynda Choi-Pastor's Wife said...

Dear annonymous:

Thnx for telling me that I am human :-). sometimes we are not expected to be one haha.

But now the healing process is undergoing and I thank God for people like yourself to open up and share; indeed I am beginning to look into minimizing hurts (because i cannot stop the hurts).

As for me, this will not stop me from trusting people. I guess being in the church long enough to tell me that there are just people around us who cant get along with us but we need not have to be "enemies". All of us work for God and if we dont see eye to eye, then we may resolve to work differently.
Tho as a pastor, we are more susceptible to be misunderstood, I still choose to trust and believe people; otherwise i will fall into the trap of our #1 enemy who sow seeds of discord in our hearts.
So I choose to love and i choose to trust because that's how God sees me

So right on are doing fine indeed. I comment you for your understanding. God bless

Lynette said...

we look for pastor who has heart like Jesus . he need to have balance quality such as good organisation skills, leadership, able to share god's word that touch man's heart...etc I like to visit your blog as your sharing here really encourage me.

Lynda Choi-Pastor's Wife said...

Dear Lynette,

Thnx for your comments. This is my desire-to be an encouragement for those who read. If you do have a topic that you would like me to write, do put it down here. At the present moment, I have two pending article-1) overcoming stress 2)the journey to th neat future. Hope this will be a help to you as well :-)

God bless you