Being WEAK or being MEEK!

A couple of days ago, my son and I had a chat. We were talking about behaving in the ministries. I encouraged him to be serious and be alert all the time when you are in the ministries because there will be obstacles whereby we need to learn to depend on God for wisdom and protection.

Somehow we got to bring out some past painful experiences that I had and he said, “Mum, I wish that I am older when you were facing those trials. Then maybe I could shield you from being hurt.” “Son, we need to go through all these so called hurts in order to grow and to learn to lean on God.”

“But mum, I saw you being silent when accused; didn’t explain yourself when words were hurled at you. In a nice way, you are being gentle but on the other hand you were seen as being weak in your leadership.”

I was quiet for a moment, recalling what my son had just told me. “Is that what others think when I kept quiet, WEAK?” I thought aloud. Then I calmed down and I told him this gently, “Son, there is a marginal difference between the WEAK and the MEEK. The weak are those who dare not face the situation and choose to run away. They chose to say hurtful comments behind the person and acted out negatively to bring discord and further pain by discrediting the other person and the church behind their back.”

“But the MEEK are those who know that to retaliate is to showcase your weakness whereas to keep compose in times of trials is a showcase of strength. To have a clear mind and to be gentle at the face of calamities are inner strength when one learnt to depend on the Holy Spirit.”

The world is looking on the outward reaction to determine the person’s strength and weakness. We seldom look deep into the person; whether the person reacts quietly and preferably in prayer instead of backbiting or continuously using negative words against the other person.

I once saw a picture in a very old magazine called the “last days ministries”; a picture depicting who Jesus was. In that picture a lamb was climbing a very dangerous and steep cliff up the mountain. It was evening and the shadow casted on the wall of the mountain surprisingly was a LION. It says, “The lamb who is the Lion of Judah.” I think this is the perfect picture of meekness. We are the lamb, gentle and maybe sometimes an easy target to be bullied or hurt but the inner person exhibits such strength that put him/her in a position of love and forgiveness.

Tell me, is it easier to react or refrain to react. To react and to give back the same way the person is treating you don’t need skill or strength but to refrain from taking revenge and not only do not speak against the other person INSTEAD prayerfully bringing that person before God, really needs lots and lots of energy.

I have to admit that through all these experiences that I had, I have become more patient. I thank God each day for keeping me strong. I thank God for allowing negative happenings in my life for without which I will never learn total dependence. Most of all, the Lord has helped me to see that it is never a person’s desire, especially when they are Christians and professing their love to God, to hurt another soul; it is all misunderstanding and miscommunication because we are DIFFERENT from one another. The sooner we recognize this, the less we will accuse one another.

We are different; the way we work; the way we talk; the way we react; the way we plan; the way we see the ministries. So do not take it to heart when someone is different from us. Just learn to accept and to allow that person to express himself/herself through time. Give your support silently even if you disagree. You never know; you could be wrong THIS TIME.

So son, I am not being weak but trying to walk meekly before God…just like our Lord Jesus! J

Choices - "Fair or Unfair"

My beautiful pet dog, a Rottweiler whom we fondly named as “Princess Zsa Zsa” came to live with us when she was only four months old. She was my son’s pet before he went to the college. Now of course the job of raising this dog came on my shoulder when he left. I grew to love her more each day and we have established a bond that only we could understand.

As time goes, she became bigger and stronger and before I knew it, her strength overpowered me. I saw lots of bruises on my arms and legs and once while playing with her, she got excited and pounced on my face and actually barely missed my left eye. I felt an excruciating pain and I quickly took an ice bag to relieve the swell. It was an accident but I began to realize that she’s getting really big and strong. I couldn’t handle her if I would take her out for walks because she would drag me.

I knew that she needed to go to obedient school but because of my heavy schedule I kept on postponing it and now she’s almost a year old. My schedule for the year is still very full and I was wondering what should I do. At this time, our church drug rehabilitation center lost their dog and they were asking if they could have Zsa Zsa (knowing that she is getting too big for me).

After weeks of consideration I decided to give it a try. (that is after lots of considerations and lots of thinking). I took her to the center and spent a day there. The moment we arrived, she dashed out into the open field and ran with all her might. Her half brother, “Tiger” who was only three months old was also there to play with her. I saw immediate bond between them and she has never been so happy.

After that day, my heart was more willing to let her go and I did. But I was undermining the attachment I have with her. For the next three days, I was crying each time I saw her pictures and thinking how she has been in the new place. I called to ask about her and they always give me positive answers but I was not convinced.

Finally after the weekend, Ian, my son came back for holiday and we decided to bring her home for a visit. I was elated and was all smile that finally I could see her again. And I kept on repeating to myself that she should miss me and I knew that I did.

When she was finally home, I saw in her eyes that bond that we used to have. She walked slowly to me and immediately fell into my embrace and we hugged and kissed. For the first time she actually walked to me and sat on my lap quietly, allowing me to stroke her gently and to speak to her like I always use to. Tears welled up my eyes and I knew that this bond can never be broken.

I spent the whole night talking and playing with her. She was much gentler now and quieter. For whatever reason, I knew that this is not herself. She was happy to be with me yet she should be happier there with so many people around her and so much space for her to move. (whereas my house has very limited space for her to even run).

I knew I have to make the final decision. As much as I loved her and missed her, she doesn’t belong here. She needs space and the people who have time to take care of her and to be her companion.

Given a choice, I would like to keep her and would take her to the obedient school; but seeing that she’s happier there, am I making the right decision? If I am a pet lover, will I confine her movement just to keep her close to me? There are times when I am busy with a heavy schedule, she will have to be alone till I finished my work at night, then only she got to see me and to play with me. Of course she brought much comfort and joy to me but am I doing the same to her?

Finally, I decided that she’s better off with the people in the drug rehab center who could give her the full attention that she needed. I may miss her greatly but I know that I cannot be selfish.

In our lives, we have lots of decisions to make: decisions that may affect us greatly and may even cause anger and dissatisfactions. We think that it is only fair that we feel happy and comfortable with whatever decision therein as long as we are happy but today I saw decision making with a different view. I battle with the thought of being “selfish” just to keep her close to me, knowing that she’s better off with the other party. But now I am thinking is she happy with me or with them?

The answer is obvious and I am willing to LET GO because I love her too much to make her unhappy. Sometimes we need to learn this lesson of “LETTING GO” because of love. We let our children go in order to allow them to grow (though we would think that it is better off if we continue to make decisions for them); we let go of our painful past in order to move on (to allow the other party to live on as well). Do not wrestle with the thought “fair” or “unfair” because this will only deepen some hurts and bring us into deeper depression.

Walk out and let go! When I did that, I realized that my heart is at peace and I knew that though I will miss her, she’s never far from my heart.

Kathmandu, Nepal

After eighteen hours of travelling, crossing three borders and four airports, we finally arrived at Kathmandu. It was a small airport but what welcomed us was the news that one of our luggage decided to ‘delay’ its arrival till the last flight, leaving us anxious about where it was. The airport officers assured us that the ‘naughty luggage’ would definitely arrive and we would be able to see it tomorrow.

So with a very tired body and a heavy heart we left the airport and met Jason, a friend of a friend who was so kind to take us for a meal and thereafter to our guest house, rightly names as “Mercy Guest house” cause that’s exactly what we needed at that moment.

After a good rest, we met the rest of the team from Singapore and of course our very naughty luggage and headed towards Kavre where we will be staying for a week.

As we travelled away from the dusty city, the four-wheeler took us up to the mountainous area and our breathing actually became smoother. It was an awesome picture all the way. Finally we arrived; that’s what I thought we did. But that was only an arrival at the feet of the hill that we were going to climb. When I saw the roads leading up, my jaw dropped and I gasped “What?!” (refer to some of the pics)

I finally gather myself together and managed to coax my nerves to strengthen up and I started the courageous climb. The first hurdle was manageable but as I climbed, the steeper it has become and the harder I breathed and the climb became a crawl. Before long my two faithful companions, each holding a side of my arms just like what Aaron and Hur did to Moses at the battle field came to the rescue. But the difference here was, Aaron and Hur were standing beside Moses, supporting his arms whereas I was literary hurled up the roads with my friends pulling my arms. Such a shameful state I have to admit. One of the local brothers even offered to carry me on his back and I shyly declined even though for a moment I was tempted to so doing thinking that it was not a bad idea at all. J

What welcomed us after that dreadful climb was worth all my ‘effort’. Serenity and majestic mountains filled my eyes. I marveled at God’s creation and I breathed in a deep sense of tranquility, “God, indeed great is your faithfulness for they are new every morning.”

The next few days were teachings, preaching, working in the field, helping to build a green house for the ‘food for every family’ project and of course helping out in the kitchen. We had dhal bhat (it is rice and vegetable and a dhal curry) everyday, for almost all the meals except a bit of variety along the way. Thanks to our sisters who insisted in helping out in the kitchen and suggesting some new things that we would like to try (just to break the routine). But I have to admit that I got to love those dhal bhat because I realized that I got lighter and healthier with less meat and lots of exercise.

The Nepalese are very gentle people. Their culture are quite similar with the Indians with a mixture of Chinese (you don’t believe this; this is because they are next to Tibet). Their hearts are open but bound by tradition and religious piety.

But for the few who have accepted the Lord, they are fearless in presenting the gospel in the face of persecution and a hard ground to plough. Yet they relentlessly and diligently ministering out of love for their own people. In comparison with what we have here in the so-called civility, our church has fallen into contemplation which any changes may mean crucifixion on the cross.

If there is one thing I have learnt, it is their fervent prayer and total dependence on our Lord Jesus Christ. They have nothing much, yet much is given. When they do not have, they lean on the Provider; when they suffer, they draw from Comforter; when they are in lack, they call on the Great Shepherd. What a faith they have; a practical faith in their lives. May God continue to bless our brethren in Nepal and raise up many more churches to bring the good news to those in need. Amen!